Someone Like You

I believe no one can match Adele's melancholic, soulful  voice for this song. I 've watched couple of covers for this song but none could potray and evoke the emotion to 'make' the song. It's not only the vocal per se as emotion is needed to enhance the value of this beautiful rendition.

Probably , only those who walked the road before are able to taste and feel the journey of the melody.
I suppose hurt exists in love to educate us on its significance. If there is no hurt, we couldn't learn how to love. Yet, we prefer to undo the hurt to receive/give love.

It is obviously no easy task to find 'someone like you.' If that someone has been so dear and loving, yet that is not meant to be.

It is obviously a task to lock the 'someone like you'  if that someone is ruining your life, pushing you to the worst edge.

And in something, we could never find 'someone like you' when that someone is just so distinctive, raw and one of that special kind. That there would be no else but him/her.

Album: 21

Artist: Adele

Title: Someone Like You

Year: 2011

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLQl3WQQoQ0&ob=av3e

FATE and FAITH

I went to my potential graveyard one Saturday evening. It was a calm, soothing moment. The sands, sun and sea were around to accompany. What more could I ask? The lovely dusk was there to witness.

I walked by and read the tombstones. I wonder how their life have been before they went into the grounds.

Some have been there for many years, even before I join the earth and some have just reach the ground a few days ago. If I have a choice, I would ask for a cover from walking and returning to dust. Knowing is painful.

As I look deeper, I suppose we have no choice from the beginning. Whether we do later in the journey, I couldn't be sure. At this point of time, I conclude that life is made of fate. Perseverance and diligence count but fate is the mother still. Whether one will persevere, whether will have the determination to fight and survive till the end, these unravel one by one in this unknown - fate.

I went to the art house in the CBD one Friday. Picked the cinema critics. Watched and extracted the pieces to patch myself , to prevent the fading art in my soul and spirit. This saying of C.Lewis caught my attention,

"Faith...is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods."

The last four words are interesting. We do always act upon our impulse. Feelings. Views. People.

We affect and influence one another.

But there is one thing we should never allow others to kill or invent  - FAITH.

What is FAITH? What do I believe? What do I hold to? How true it is?

Do I believe because I am told it is so? 

Compliance and obedience is easy. When you do likewise without examining and questioning, it comes rather easy.

I am in the journey to seek more. I have no choice because I am already here although one day I will no longer be. One thing I must remember, I shall not have a faith dictated by people, circumstances and all other factors. And when I have embraced one upon MY decision, I should not allow others to kill it .Yea, also despite my changing moods. Because Faith is FAITH.

Artist: Five For Fighting
Album: Two Lights
Year: 2006
Title: The Riddle

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3q2wvhArAn8&feature=related

Laughing Gal

Knew someone who makes me laugh in a way which I have not enjoy for years.
I now know where to my find my happiness although transient.
The saying ' better than nothing' still sounds true.

Thanks for making me laugh. You have an arresting, unique and quirky personality that I found in no one else. Perhaps, your interesting, catchy, mischievious wits boost youth and kills the old cells.
Thanks for making me happy, laughing. Sadly , I don't possess the time and place of the world which otherwise, I think I choose to sit down and listen more often of your antics.

What really matters now, but to live in joy, health and be grateful?

Sadness and happiness - what's in between?

What makes one to be happy? Or rather it is a who?

The one who is capable to make us happy is also one who is capable to make us sad.

What can make you happy can make you upset too.

Children can bring us joy but hurt as well. Our spouse, needless the say, echoes the same.

Nevertheless, I find a clear distinction between the two.

That our feelings and love towards our mate could change but NOT towards our children.

No matter what or where they have been, the layer of a parent instinct hardens not the love and that we want to protect them as best as we could.

Happiness is such a big essence in life. And for me, more than ever before.

In the past, I tend to hide my preferences, giving in for others good although inappropriate and suffer in silence. I suppose I am and should be wiser than before - to undone the above.

As such, I am doing my best to live a joyful life and applying the rule of ignorance is bliss where appropriate.

Happiness affects an overall being of a man/woman and eventually affects the other living close to them.

Each of us carry a weight of unhappiness inside us. No one is spared. Because this is simply , a life of human being. We carry such feelings that is born effortlessly.

If you are unhappy, you could do something about it. You choose.

I do know somehow, in order to be happy, you need to taste the hurt and swell to understand the relevance of happiness.

This relevant rendition by highly talented Oscar-winning duo folk whom I am looking forward to hear when possible.

Album: Strict Joy

Artist: Swell Season

Title: Go with Happiness/Fallen from the sky

Year: 2008/2007

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GoTzjzZb3pg&feature=related

GO WITH HAPPINESS

Because the heart's a fool
A stranger to the room
Because the love has grown
I had to leave you alone

And if you're gonna go, go with happiness
And if you're gonna go, go with happiness

Because the promise failed
Because we're off the rails
An arrow straight and true
A gift to me from you

And if you're gonna go, go with happiness
And if you're gonna go, go with happiness

Because the heart's a fool
A stranger to the room
And because the love has grown
I had to leave you alone

And if you're gonna go, go with happiness
And if you're gonna go, go with happiness
And if you're gonna go, go with happiness
And if you're gonna go, go with happiness

T-H-A-N-K-S

It's been a year of blogging. In all honesty, I never thought I do so until a July incident and the drama boy budged me.

That events happen for a reason?

This is indeed a 'happening' year. Although illness, unhappy faces and setbacks surface, I am thankful for the many visted places and beautiful moments and souls. It could sound rather stale as a cliche but I have to remind myself over and over again to be grateful. Yes, "thanks / thank you / khob-kun-Ka", simple thanks to folks and ultimately, my Creator despite the non-understanding of events that happen in my journey since my entrance into this cosmos.

Had I not leave home, had it not been a quiet walk , had I not abandon legal profession, had I not succumb to illness, had I not leave ,basically...  I would not have learn that I have a lot in abundance. Don't talk about material, I mean let's get to the real, raw, honest things in life which we often take for granted.

It is when you think you have nothing, you have in abundance. Because you still can feel, think and express in song or in utter silence.

In sickness, I learn that a simple movement of walking and swinging of the hands is not a simple thing to forget.

It sounds simple but when you are deprive to move and swing, it doesn't sound simple anymore.

The recent painful sitting. Without cause but with effect.

It never came to me that sitting , an everyday act , could be a painful thing to do.

The easy forgotten mind, I would have to jot down well everywhere but for those I couldn't , what should I do?

The swell and rashes , sends an inconvenient truth and anxiety over me.

Praying for healing, day and night.

Pray for me.

Although I may not know who you are, but thanks for your prayers.

Pray that I get well.

It's not because I want to live longer, but to minimise the pain
and hurt.

Probably, man's biggest fear is not death, but the torturing, lingering pain and hurt.
I fear dying, not death.

Music, as always never fail to lift me, be it joy or sorrow.
Enjoy these are two of my favourite Bach 's classical pieces which have not lost its touch till today.

G Major Bach's Cello Suite No.1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xUdkXWmxT9I&feature=related

Preclude in C Major
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlAic9aPoqs

The Smell of Bangkok

Aku dicengkam pelbagai perasaan  sejak menjejakkan kaki  di kota Krung Thep (juga dikenali sebagai "city of angels" selepas diterjemah) pada larut malam. Tidak pernah kubayangkan keceriaan aku mampu dicipta di sini. Ia akan mengambil masa yang agak panjang untuk menyesuaikan diri di sini kukira, namun, hati aku terbuka, semakin terbuka untuk negara Gajah Putih ini yang telah menambat hati aku yang mendukung ribuan kekusutan.

Hari demi hari, aku belajar mengenali diri sendiri, muka baru, budaya, bahasa, cinta, kepercayaan, kegembiraan dan keunikan.

Aku tidak pasti apakah kota ini telah menjawab persoalan yang telah lama bersarang. Namun, aku seolah-olah diberi petunjuk sewaktu aku melangkah lebih jauh.

 

#1

Aku bukan seorang pecinta haiwan, dulu, sekarang mahupun masa hadapan. Bagaimanapun, hari ini, telatah beberapa ekor orang utan, singa laut dan dolfin menghiburkan hatiku. Setibanya di pekan koboi, aku memikirkan alangkah enaknya jika hidup kita serba ringkas dengan beberapa deretan kedai yang memadai dengan perigi air dan landskap yang mudah. Namun, kita masih memerlukan sepatah senapang kerana dunia ini tidak mengenal keamanan. Di sini, aku boleh memiliki senapang untuk tujuan keselamatan dan perlindungan. Aku belum mahir mengendalikannya namun masa akan menentukannya.

 

#2

Aku menuju ke Erawan yang wujud di tengah-tengah kesibukan kosmopolitan ini dan melewati tempat suci para penganut Buddha yang sedang bersembahyang. Kelihatan sekumpulan penari kembara yang menari mengikut paluan alat-alat genderang dengan nyanyian dikir.

Para wanita sibuk menjual kalungan bunga-bungaan untuk upacara sembahyang kepada para pelancong.  

Mata aku bertumpu pada sepasang kekasih umpama bagai pinang dibelah dua yang baru selesai bersembahyang. 

Entah kenapa selepas itu, aku mendengar bisikan hati yang memberi satu ketetapan dan petunjuk yang mungkin menyelamatkan diriku. 

Bahawa aku tidak perlu berkorban. Kerana aku punya pilihan.

Seperti hati ini, seleraku juga semakin terbuka. Meskipun makanan di sini masih asing dan pelik rasanya bagiku, aku boleh menjamu selera dengan baik dan makan lebih daripada yang biasanya. Aku tidak berasa sakit seperti sebelumnya. Elok nampaknya. Bau-bauan Thai semakin menebal, menuruti semua laluan kecuali apabila sang hujan melepaskan bilah-bilahnya. Kotak fikiranku masih perlu berputar ligat untuk ilham karya seterusnya. Namun, buat pertama kalinya hati aku terpaut dan tidak dapat kuuraikan penjelasannya. Terpaut barangkali, sekali ganda daripada detik-detik di NSW yang sebenarnya tidak kurang indah dengan kelembutan dan kesunyian yang hidup. Bulan malam menyaksikan aku lena terlelap sementara menanti mentari pagi menghampar kanvas langit.

There is a place

I have been roaming around in this universe for quite awhile.

I love the thrill, excitement, experience, taste, delight , scene and sound I came across.

Of all , the freedom to walk about and breath the moments. The unspoken moments.

I have moved recently. Closer yet further than before.

Somehow, it is something to celebrate about this move after my peace and space was missing for the past 8 months. Now, I am looking forward to create and work harder to do well in crafting words and scripts.

I like the stealing gleam of light into my room. The shining soft colour of dusk brightens this new space.

Nevertheless, nothing will beat my first home. Nothing will ever beat that no matter where I am.

For that, I am glad to be here today. But the sad part is always a short time spent here.

I have been looking and asking where do I want to stay and no longer move.

That I no longer want to travel, roaming and going about. Stay still. Enjoy the remnant of life under a healthy, glowing sun and white sandy beaches near me. 

Perhaps, I have been a little tired and wonder if I should make a stop.

I went to Waves Park last Thursday. The green trees stood solid as before and the breeze enveloped my feelings. They seem to understand the battle within me and want to take it away from me. I rest my soul here and if it wanders, I shall make a petition to allow its return to this charming place. That I shall rest in peace near the understanding living wind and green , and not to miss out the darling sea.

Three of us stood here on a beautiful Saturday evening and one of us has gone and shall not return here again in human form. Whatever it is, I pray heaven loves us.

It's no deal

If  all else is more or less the same, we have 3 months to go before we pull down the curtain of 2011.

It is a-three-significant months in such a tumultuous period of human history todate.

The question of living still matters most.

Why are we here and what is the purpose to be here in this world without our choice in the beginning and the end.

And my heart will tie close with these strangers I do not know but whose life stories has brought me nearer to them.

Theirs - a life of tragic, misery and uncertainty. I learned more about them this year and I want to know more of them and I hope I could something better to help them.

For someone who is disappointed in justice most of the time, my wounded heart is comforted to know that the Australian-Malaysia swap deal is failed. The High Court in Australia scuttled the controversial deal , a blow to the Gilliard's government. Asylum issues has become a subject to critize the unfavorable Labor Government in the Land Down Under.

Among the refugees, unaccompanied minors are the most vulnerable in the group. When these are crucial, formative years for them. Yet, they have no one to stand by. No one to depend on. In a foreign environment. With thousands who share the same place, food , space and air.
Driven by circumstances, they are forced to grow up fast and acquainted with suffering than their peers who live in normal and ideal conditions of life. Sending them to Malaysia, a non-signatory of the UN Human Rights Convention on Refugees is a big No No. The risk of torture, rape and ugly side of human abuse are not absent.

For that, the no-deal  is indeed a joy in the middle of navigating the threads of sorrow.

For Once

Busking. Busking. Busking.

Meeting over and hitch a ride.

Strumming and singing along with one another. Writing the lyrics and insert its meaning. 

Spontaneously.

The compelling passion of music helps to endure the late night recordings in the studio till  4a.m.

Two people of different gender, culture who share the same language and music passion then meet and enjoy each other presence and companion  across the borders and continents.  

At a point of time in our life's entry. 

Natural affinity.

No words to define.

A relationship which is rather extraordinary without the element of conventional attachment, hanky-panky, papers and expectations of the rest.

Nothing to lose and fear as before.

Falling slowly and naturally.

Perhaps, many of us arrive at such terminal before.

That there is once in our life where we meet someone special  to create the magical moments without that conventional commitment.

That's what made is special.

To happen for once.

For once, it happened for us.

The beauty that it happens for once.

Living within the zones

When I am occupying myself a seat on the air, I often wonder who is my neighbour.

Todate, they are nice to me and God knows if we ever meet again and help one another.

And being of one who doesn't stay long in a place, the air moment is all the more conducive to contemplate and collect pleasant old memories before an eraser lives in my head.

I am grateful that there have been beautiful souls whom I meet along my journey,  both down the road or up in the air. I believe there is a reason that we meet at that particular place, at that particular moment of all the crowds of human race and the slip of hours and minutes.

I am clothed with care and kindness , made feel like home and at the same time, enjoying being on my own and taste the power of being in the moment.

With an hour later and 2 hours in advance from my years of domicile, I realize that even an hour makes a huge difference. Somehow, I like the sense of living in different zones.

Somehow, as I walked one chilly Thursday night and the following week, I guess I want to throw a big hug to my love after stepping down. After I abandon a peripatetic life.

Coming across this song that feels like home even in the air.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9dShVXE67yQ&gl=HK&feature=related

Album:What if it all means something
Song: Flying Home
Year:2002
Artist:Chantal Kreviazuk


Its hard to let you go
You've always let me in
And helped with all the endings
And you know where to begin
I need you here for me
Cause you always know my heart
I can't believe we'd change
Or have to be apart
But if you've seen the love that's in her eyes
Then everything is good
And if you know the way she felt inside
She's flying where she should
I never believed we'd ever live to see
An angel being born and flying home
Its good to know your laugh
And you'll always hold my hand
And watch from up in heaven
And always understand
We'll take you down the road
And in everything we do
We'll know how much you love us
A soul that's kind and true.
But if you've seen the love that's in her eyes
Then everything is good
And if you know the way she felt inside
She's flying where she should
I never believed we'd ever live to see
An angel being born and flying home

A Second Chance

Tim has an enduring hunger to work with music.  Inseparable. All the more, after returning from numerous gigs. That's what intrigued me. His serious passion gets him to where he is today and I am glad for him. And, yea, roadside dinner is a good one too.

In contrast, I am running dry on inspirations to write. A true artist fears a blank canvass. A true writer, the void of of words. And so, in a bit of the travel here and there , I am trying hard during the accompanying silence of the moment to ignite the creative juices and to some extent, it works , especially during chilly and rainy nights. And there, I recalled my first published article entitled 'A Second Chance'.

How many of us would have a second chance to re-do and undo what we wish for?

If there is one, what would it be?



The younger days comes to me. The once familiar faces, places and cases and misses, and feelings too.

Slowly (but surely), along the moments , we reach our destination and take our luggages.

And then I realize , everyday is our second chance.

Sad Fragrance

Dia telah berjalan seketika lama. Tangannya melewati batu konkrit yang berdiri utuh sejak 1977.
Melapis kisah lama yang tercipta di kampus ini semasa kejatuhan pemerintahan si diktator kejam dan kemangkatan Presiden.
Bilahan hujan memadam bayangan namun keadaan itu sungguh menyenangkan.
Hati tertutup setelah terbuka. Sang bulan tidak melindungi diri malah menyuluh jalan di hadapan.
20 tahun terungkai dengan komunikasi lama yang menghubungkan perpisahan zaman yang tidak mungkin diterokai.

Dan dia terus berjalan. Alunan Bach menemani keharuman yang semakin hilang ditelan masa.
Anda mengenali destinasi sebelum titik ketibaan dan bukan selepas saat tersebut.
Takdir jua bertakhta dan bukan semua harapan dan kehendak menjadi titik destinasi.
Ditto.
2005-2011

Undone our both sides

One more day to go, it's gonna be a year without our both sides.

And probably such years will extend throughout our lifetime.

I have decided. I should have, long time ago.

I chose to believe in 'fate', not my faith, not you.

I am ready to let go the thread of our kite.

Barring gadgets. Closing our Pinots. Pulling the brakes.

It's the hardest night of the last time.

But that has to be to bring the better days.

I cherish the lights and chill in Abel Cottage and East Park's pre-eve in our written chapters, only to  reduce its fragments slowly. Although I am tempted to re-write the chapters and fill the pages with colours, my heart does not give way eventually.

So, this is waking, sleeping and walking on my path , another day, another year.

In sickness, in difficulties, in rare happiness and blessings in disguise.

My centre of affection is looking at the galleries which I shall pass and words to craft.

Sharing the time to paint with the children. It doesn't matter with the messy colours everywhere.

Along the way, in low residency, to transfrom into an art piece. Not to please the world. Not to please anyone, anymore. Not to live in others expectation. Praying to taste the release of a dove.

Title: Both Sides Now

Artist: Joni Mitchell

Year: 1969

Renewed: 2000

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5e_-u7J2-ag&feature=related

How many hours?

Time never stands still but it would one day, perhaps.
Everyone knows that this old planet would reach its finality someday and the big question is 'WHEN'?

As I re-look at my life, I wonder how have I write it in between within the pages of time.
What is indeed life? It is a journey shaped by our choices and circumstances and fate being  a big factor?

I have less than an hour to go to catch the trip down but I can't stop writing.
The thought of leaving yesterday's evening walk back my new home at the green park cemented with the bridges is painfully unpleasant.

How many hours do I have before I can make an ultimate stop and say , this is it, we are not moving anywhere further.

How many hours do I have before I can complete a brilliant manuscript to change the world to be a better place?

How many hours do I have to meet someone whom I have forgotten , those whom I want to extend my thanks?

With the ticking of the clock, I have to pack and leave in less than half an hour.

An evening in the sunset

I like to stand and watch the bridge from afar. Birds flying across without worries. I wish I could have a pair of wings to go as far as I like , wherever , whenever.

The sunset warms me. There is not much in a lifetime to feel and live as a breather.

My ex-editor has passed on and I didn't know his health battle.  I owed him something. It isn't an outstanding article but a legal opinion which I did not entertain before leaving. Although I am no better than the 'C', I know it is a tremendous , dolorous battle.

I have often reminded myself and him' that it's a short journey we are getting around here.

That is why I want to do well about relationship, about love and substance because I have seen the delusive delight and triumph of money, power, fame and all its resemblance.  Somehow, along the way, I ask whether I have coached myself to self-pleasing alone. Love is delusive too when it is only about me.

People said absence makes the heart grows fonder. Does it rings a lot of truth or does it not?

Right now, I have the many 'don't-knows' knitted in my mind. Working vigourously than the needle and thread. Effortlessly. I don't know whether I should go back and never say goodbye again.

What would you do when you no longer find joy in something that you often do in the past? Leave or put up with it and expect things could be better perhaps, because time will heal and reveal?

Ultimately, I have to decide whether this going to be a breaking point or turning point from now onwards.

Can life be made without a marriage but suffice that we can live happily above the ups and downs?  To be a companion to each other and clothe our relationship with selfless love.

Is that not possible or deadly impossible?

The Good, Bad and everything in between



Church glows at night in beach town



If only I can stay in this church for the whole day.

I am never holy but spiritual.

Nights have not been great with his return.

It was an unpleasant week, worse than Worst Week. Bornheimer could still have a laughter here and there.

I couldn't. Not even shedding tears.

I got swamped. ANd worst of it all, his return made me sick. I loathe every seconds of his presence.

This is such a strong aversion. I have been digging out time to escape and it is entirely tiring, an unenjoyable experience. Troubled. Robbed of peace, freedom and privacy.

This is where I can tell it all , to get this out of my chest and lungs.

I am praying for an escape, a liberation from this nutty.

At best, I could avoid puffing but not Cabernet. In good times or bad times, I would like to think of Cabernet. I know too much will ruin me but in times like these, I might not care, I am too tired to care and loaded with many cares.

I hope it will not take long to see you, dear.

Times are hard but I want to believe we can.

We will weather and survive. Wait for me. Pray for me.

God, speed the day I can live and leave in peace.

The Many Sides of Sea in May

A morning walk to the sea

Seats by the beach



A solemn evening at white beach






Lovely night walk at the beach

Fabulous. This is a month of sea outing for me.

I am glad that I am raised in a town of sea.

I love to reside nearby the sea. Despite the water turbulence of world disasters, I still hold that I am never bored with the sea.

I am blessed to walk nearby the sea. The voice of the sea and its sparkling blue gem greet the houses in the surrounding areas. The school children have fun. Young couples and family are walking together with laughter and joy.

Surfers manoeuver the classic and new waves. Older ones are enjoying the cuppa nearby the beach cafe.

Walking to the never-been-before seas and a re-visit to former beaches give a refreshing sense and I smell new respiration.

I wish time could stop. Right now.

The Power of Being in the Moment

My favourite sweet spot in the garden

My gigantic hugging tree at green linear

Walking down to town in the early evening



Casting of the late noon sun upon the church

 

Every moment , be it the past, present and future stores a meaning behind it.

I suppose mapping the foreign terrain will build a bigger collection of the power of being in the moment.

When I made the decision to leave a familiar place of many years and though it means no fixed homes, there are no regrets in restrospect.

If I have not, I would not have learned much and learning better each day.

Many things could stay the same but I know I won't be.

In this life, unless we make a little bold steps and further, we never know how much we could be.

A person who is alive is constantly getting lost. The big thing...is to realize that this your own adventure, and that all the field guides....holding up mirrors can only flash you...a glimpse of your own story. It's yours to savor. It belongs to no one else.

Bonnie F.

Yes, there are always something that no one can steal from us. Only we ourselves can feel it within. Only we can tell the story. The encounter of extraordinary moments that was written in our heart, soul and mind.

Whether in the company of our loved ones, the community and on our own.

As I was walking alone the street of this lovely town, I feel blessed. It was a beautiful, sunny day in the midst of chill. I left my trail at the little cottages, art galleries and cafes which dotted along the street. The cathedral stood tall and bathed in evening light. 'Blessed' became the vocabulary of the day.

After all, these moments are hard to come when the pouring rain may hold its mercy.

Title: In a Moment

Artist: Rebecca St.James

Year: 2011

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fmh2-NEZ4JA

Colder

Autumn trees on my way to town

The old autumn foliages

Autumn is making its way for winter. It's getting colder.

As dark falls earlier than the day, time is edging at a quicker pace which I couldn't earn.

Couldn't sleep well of late. Dun wanna hold on to those tablets somehow. Hating capsules, these never change.

Somehow, I love to embrace the chill at times. A sense of freedom and quietness entered the soul.

Yea, I just want silence and the sea. I learn to cherish what's more important and worthwhile for the soul, heart, mind and spirit.

There are moments that couldn't be bought. There are moments where we cannot turn back. However, there are moments that will not be forgotten because of its significance, depth and breadth that only you experience and feel throughout which stays in your heart. Which I thank Almighty God for those extraordinary, amazing moments.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=447yaU_4DF8

When love takes you in and out

I 've heard. Very often.

One of the biggest, important decision a woman made is the man whom she decides to fall for and eventually dedicating her life to him.

Wrong judgment is a not a mere mistake, it's a super huge mistake. Not only affecting one's life but her kins, comrades and others close to her.

I am unsure if I have or would make the mistake. For a non-believer of marriage as I am, I suppose time could almost provides answer in many aspects of our life.

Marriage could resemble a gamble. You do not know what is the outcome as you dedicate yourself for this scared covenant (which it is supposed to be but decadence is slowly tearing its solid fabric). People change in  marriage. For better, (possible but rarely) and for worst (not impossible and often).

Z, a woman who fell in love and married a man who has not loved himself but drugs. Needless to say, this marriage didn't last and Z is staying with her daughter and  a divorce is yet to be filed.

Moving on, Z fell for K. They stay together without a solemnization. A little boy was born out from this relationship. So, two children in a complicated man and woman relationship. Somehow, this relationship doesn't seem to work well too as K is not the sort of family guy, who stay at home for the 'wife'and children. 

The former addicts to drugs while K addicts to alcohol. It is easy to label Z, being foolish and unwise after her first marriage collapsed.

However, who are we to judge at the end of the day?

Some would say love conquers everything. You love someone for the good and the bad.

Hmm...

How do you know whether you love someone unconditionally? Don't we often love someone because of  the 'because' factor? Because he is this, he is that. Because she could do this, do that. And appearance is always the biggest factor.

I have always wanted my significant other to be a player. Of course not the player of Playboy but someone who can strum the guitar, beat the drums or run through the piano keys effortlessly.  But that doesn't happen, well except for once. Above this preference, I realize that there are far more essential factors to consider in a life mate. Chemistry and communication should be among those big factors which also  involved effort and sacrifice.

Prayerfully, I learn to love well.

FOrgive me , my dear.

Are you happy now?

It is not easy. Everything seems to be against me right now but I told myself, at least I am not.

By now, I should know it not wise to ask 'why', too common a question.

Yet, I couldn't stop asking.

Why good things are deemed bad right now?

What exactly are good and what are not?

I am here all by myself. Passing through the tunnel in the yellow light.

No one to cheer me. No one to listen.

I don't know where I am heading to. I just feel a little safe in this tunnel.

Is it wrong for me to leave?

Is it right for me to say?

I wish I could not be found forever more.

Spending my time in the creek and throwing stones.

ANyway, maybe, I am up the creek.

Looking at the ripples made. Quiet. Gazing at the verdant.

Jane Austen once said that's the best refreshment.

And great , the end is coming.

WHEN THE STARS GO BLUE
Composer: Ryan Adams

Dancin' where the stars go blue
Dancin' where the evening fell
Dancin' in your wooden shoes
In a wedding gown

Dancin' out on 7th street
Dancin' through the underground
Dancin' little marionette
Are you happy now?

Where do you go when you're lonely
Where do you go when you're blue
Where do you go when you're lonely
I'll follow you
When the stars go blue
Stars go blue
Stars go blue
Stars go blue

Laughing with your pretty mouth
Laughing with your broken eyes
Laughing with your lover's tongue
In a lullaby

Where do you go when you're lonely
Where do you go when you're blue
Where do you go when you're lonely
I'll follow you
When the stars go blue
stars go blue
stars go blue
stars go blue
When the stars go blue
Stars go blue
stars go blue
Stars go blue

Where do you go
Where do you go when you're blue, yeah
Where do you go when you're lonely
I'll follow you, follow you, follow you
Yeah
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDZys3nrYLY&feature=related

A Beautiful Soul

This steadfast lady deserved to be mentioned. She is amongst others who teach me about real love.

Love. The world has been seeking for it, near and far, true or false, rain or shine.

It is painful to learn of Clement's tragedy. A young man who came home from Downunder to take charge of planes only to find himself hurt in an unfortunate accident. Despite this, Leong persevered throughout her life. Despite her failed marriage. Despite her unhappy childhood. I salute you. May God'a grace and mercy continue to embrace you.

Ckick her story here:
http://sg.news.yahoo.com/blogs/singaporescene/mother-selfless-giving-20110331-185054-889.html

Baby, before you

One wonders how the rascal crying baby could be such a sweetie that melts the burden and concern of the day. Yup, coz he/she will make you his burden and concern throughout the night.=)
Even then, mummy have no choice but to love still, right?

Dedicating this to little darling.

Title: BEFORE YOU
Artist: Chantal Kreviazuk
Album: Colour Moving and Still
Year released: 1999

Baby, before you
Well, I was bad news
In lettin' me love you
I think I can get through

Oh, baby before you
Well, I was so scared
I was a train wreck waitin' to happen
On the way to nowhere

And now I think it's kinda funny that you say you love me
You tell me that I'm crazy then you smile

And now I think I'll get through
The end of the world
And now I think I'll get through
Bein' a girl
Now I think I'll get through
Anything
And now I think I'll get through

Now honey around you
I'm feelin' so good
'Cause you picked me up out of the rough
And you polished me up and made me brand new

And baby before you, ho ho
There was just a black hole
Yeah I was beat down, blacked out
My darling you couldn't even know

But ever since I met you on a cloudy Monday
I can't believe how much I love the rain

And now I think I'll get through
The end of the world
And now I think I'll get through
Life as a girl
Now I think I'll get through
Anything
Now I think I'll get through

Ever since I met you on a cloudy Monday
I can't believe how much I love the rain

And now I think I'll get through
The end of the world
And now I think I'll get through
Life as a girl
Now I think I'll get through
Anything
Now I think I'll get through

Oh ... ho ...
Now I think I'll get through
Oh ....
Now I think I'll get through
Oh ... ho ...
And now I think I'll get through

And now I think I'll get through
Oh, and now I think I'll get through
Oh, and now I think I'll get through

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ssuAR6zXCA&feature=related

The Right to be left Alone

I had the privilege to attend a public lecture concerning data protection law which drew a big crowd.

Many commented that the lecture was interesting, lucid and informative. I couldn't agree less.

Privacy is not exclusively meant for celebrities alone. All of us are endowed with privacy rights.

The right to be left alone. This was introduced by US Judge Thomas Cooley as early as in the 1888.

Our world is exposed and unprotected against intrusion , more than before.

Our privacy is at a stake. Our personal data are utilised againt our wishes. Here and then, we receive anonymous calls, unwanted attention, e-mail scams , etc that attacks our privacy. Our personal information are provided largely  to banks, government agencies, corporations, websites and many organizations .

To what extent these information  are being used appropriately and treated P&C?

Exposed, unfortunately. An ongoing breach and violation of our privacy.

The unscrupulous dirty business of data selling.

The sale of personal data is as low as 10 cent and could fetch at higher price for well-known figure's data.

The closest call for privacy law involved the legislation of data protection law which had evolved gradually in US (Privacy Act 1974) and EU (Data Protection Directive) . It is a late start for Asian countries but it is better than never.Singapore is reported to debate the personal data protection legislation in the Parliament by early 2012. Malaysia has legislated the Personal Data Protection Act 2010 which although has been passed, assented and gazetted but has yet to come into force. Hong Kong has its Personal Data (Privacy) Ordinance but is said to be at its embryonic state and inadequate.

Do we question the questionnares  listed in the survey form, credit card application form and all sorts of form that request for our personal information? It's time to question whether we should fill our particulars in all the columns. Is it relevant to ask your car registration number when you fill in a lucky draw contest? Is it relevant to ask your salary income when you fill in a CD purchase form? Do we blindly fill in eveything ?

You have the right not to disclose your personal information to anyone when it is not necessary.

Simply because- you have the right to be left alone.

Leaving the world

Maybe, maybe each of us have the thoughts of leaving the world for good, at least for once.

Yesterday, a young man shared how he felt grateful at the end of his struggle to jump from the high floor.

He didn't make it to jump.

I listened as he shared his feelings in the crawling night. I suppose being a listener is something that everyone of us could do, if only we are WILLING  to do so.

It' s not about money, gifts but TIME. That is the greatest gift we can give to each other. To take our time for someone. To spend that moments with someone.

Like him, I was haunted with the same thoughts before. But I prefer to be surrounded by the blue water than a pool of blood.

Somehow, I believe that the powers from the above have control over this , in our decision to terminate life.

If it is meant to be, to have life ended at that particular point, at that particular place, it would take place and nothing will happen to stop it.

On the other hand, if life is not meant to be taken away for us as yet, something will happen to stop it but one could suffer the unpleasant consequences thereafter.

Someone once said, we are actually heading to the living world while walking in the dead world.

And each day, we are edging closer to the end of our life.

We are perplexed with unanswered questions which may only be revealed on the other side.

Someone also pointed out that if we have the courage to end our life (yes, it needs a strong courage, more than a soldier), why not transform the courage to move on and brace ourself to overcome.

I could only say, "Brother, both courage are not the same. It is a different kind of courage, altogether. In the attempt to terminate, he/she will somehow will hear a small whisper. If undecided, the execution takes at a slower pace but the determined, strong headed will waste no time. All the more for the mind-suffered.

Perhaps, only the survivors could understand it, like the young man.

Yes, we did it!

In the midst of harrowing stories of  Japan's plight today, I am exteremly on cloud 9 to learn of Chong Wei's victory against nemesis SuperDan in the All-England match last week.

It is a victory for all Malaysians.

Although I missed the game, I am jumped with joy. This triumph definitely serves an encouragement and motivation for Chong Wei  to covet the Olympics 2012 title, which is not too far away.

Praying for his victory. We shall never underestimate Dan's strength. Looking forward for Chong Wei's stellar perfomance before he bids farewell to the world of badminton.

1-Year-Old

I was chained with drowsiness since Thursday. Even  without the medication.

I don't get it. Why you wanna a shut-down desperately?

But I got alert later. A surprise was knocking at my door.

Ta-da. Yes, it's such a surprise. All the more since happy surprises have been dwindling over the years.

A Japanese cheese cake and friendly faces waiting for me. I would usually back off from éclair but not this time.

I was overwhelmed. And as usual, then again, I didn't blow out the candles well. It always got stucked. Haha..

 " You are good at work but not with cake-cutting".   I broke out a laughter.

I got home early than before. To ease the drowsiness.

Under the galaxy of stars, my swirling thoughts brought me near to C.

The good and bad times we shared across the world, across time. Near and far.

The sweet     has blossomed 1-year old which only both of us would know.

With the advent of time and distance, it keeps it more significant.

Three  favourites of the nights except that you'll never complete my life since no one could complete each other's life.

Hands to Heaven (Breathe- 80s')

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IUH73aO_Soo

Dreams (Cranberries- 90's)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yam5uK6e-bQ

Closer (Travis- 2000s)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2hYn_4yuhc

(entertaining!chuckled!)

Who need players?

Players- I believe they are abundant , scattering and spreading all the world irrespective of age, ethinicity and status. There is nothing great in the end, for a player. The ultimate end is nothing.

But as it is often a strong human nature to response positively to tempation, we are bound to see that they live by this mantra- it is OK to take the hive that is not legally yours as long as you get the honey, whether short term or long term.

I came across this article today which speaks thousands of truth.

Without truth, there is no love. Without love, there is no truth.

True, isn' it?

http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?articleid=7764&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=740727

Woes in the Land of the Rising Sun

Pathetic.Poignant.

As I watched the devastated modern island nation suffering from numerous blows, there are three people that come across my mind.

Two of whom I know of their state but one unheard. My prayers be with them.

I do not have the privilege to cover the catastrophe.

I can only store the envy inside me when other correspondents went to the tragedy site and spoke to the survivors.

Nevertheless, I am following the news indoor and checked for any updates during the morning.

Breaking news poured in for the past two days.

Many theories have been forwarded to explain the massive quake to the blasts.

Some include the "Supermoon" theory on the proximity of moon to the Earth, the repetitive nuclear tests conducted without the public's knowledge which trigger the seabed to unleash its accumulated intoleration, the side-effect of previous tsunamis and anti-green acts, acts of God  and so forth.

I am looking forward to 19th March 2011. It is said that the moon will be at its closest to the Earth since 1992. The moon will be bright and full. However, the beautiful sight of it is said to attract further chaos in this world.

We shall wait and see.

That day will also marked my life annivesary of my sojourn in the earth, that I have stayed and breathe in this troubled world for less than 50 years but more than 20 years. Someone told me that he has come to the point of not being bothered to count the aging years. Yes, he's right.Coz we should not count the aging years, but to count our blessings.

When all is devastated, ravaged and nothing left, we should take a good look of what we have and had all these while and NOW. What we should treasure. Who we should spend time with. What we should do.

What we could do.

Before we waved goodbye.

In this 'borrowed heaven'.

Borrowed Heaven(2007)

The Corrs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xF4IxrRRbQQ

I Want You To Know

Today is quite a 'day' due to my hesitate state and stupidity.

Roaming aimlessly after I screwed up the plans of the day. Couldn't find a nice, comfortable cafe to send  the updates and e-mails. Finally, I landed up in this place, where we never come before for a non-alcoholic beer.

Here I am , in the middle of the day and come across her song , which I have not heard for long.

It is still pleasant to my ear and if DJ M.L is here, I shall dedicate this song to the dude whom I miss most at this moment.

I Want You To Know (Chantal Kreviazuk )

I could feel you, you were there.
And I could hold you, but you're not there.
And I, I'm gonna wait.
I, I'm gonna wait.
I'm gonna wait.

(Chorus)
I just want you to know.
I want you to know.
All that I have is all that I forgot to say
I want you to know.
I didn't go.
All that I have is all that made you run away.

I could see you, you were there.
And I could hear you, but you're not there.
And I, I'm gonna wait.
I, I'm gonna wait.
I'm gonna wait.

(Chorus)
I just want you to know.
I want you to know.
All that I have is all that I forgot to say
I want you to know.
I didn't go.
All that I have is all that made you run away.

And I.
I.
I, I'm gonna wait.
I, I'm gonna wait.

(Chorus)
I just want you to know.
I want you to know.
All that I have is all that I forgot to say
I want you to know.
I didn't go.
All that I have is all that made you run away.
All that made you run away.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7n3dASHkQJA

More tsunamis to come

I have so much to write but the tsunami in Japan arrested my attention.

I was restless, worrying over an issue when fellow Japanese were hit with massive quake and fierce tsunami.

The year 2011 doesn't start with a bang or boom, but with the power of water and earth that stays within , without our knowledge and control. I strongly believe this year is dotted with more to come. Don't call me a pessimist. We should know by now.

I mentioned about the power of water in the foregoing. I spoke of its gentleness, less of its violence.

We might see more of its torrents than before.More than before in 2011 and ahead.

Call me eccentric, insane, whatever, I would like to experience moments of tsunami and clothed with an intact survival. Well, somehow I do not mind to perish though as nothing stays forever in this world.

We are living in the land of dying anyway.

As such, I will continue my travel despite the recent disasters. Unless the airport calls it a close, I shall proceed as scheduled.

Perhaps, dying to die. When I heard another demise of someone I know, the first question that strucked me-Why it doesn't happen to me yet?  

Yes, I long to leave but I pray that it is a peaceful exit. I am staying too long already. Can't wait for a better land.

(By the time of writing, tsunami alert is widespread across the Pacific.)

The other woman

Of late, the talk shows helped me to learn more about myself and it urges me to take a closer look at my life.

It is not work per se. For me. (less) For him. (more) 

I learned that there is an "unknown" in the journey of relationships, all the more when it is between a man and a woman, not more.

Three people are too many in a crowd.

At times, again, conventionally, people would label third party as the culprit when it tears down someone's marriage, a lovely, normal family unit and overall, a healthy social fabric.

I asked myself whether we should continue to hold this view.

When a man turned his heart away from his wife, it is not another man or woman, i.e. the third party alone in the picture. The man himself, plays the part, in making his choice to tear down the first legal relationship. Somehow, the society tends to cast the blame on the third party alone.

It takes two to ride in a relationship. Not the third party's role per se.

Undeniably and inevitably, the innocent chidlren will bear the unpleasant consequences.

Somehow, perhaps as they grow up, they will learn that there is this "unknown" element in their parents relationship.

There are two schools of thought on this subject, which I came across so far-

The fate believer and the "work-out" believer.

The latter proposes that relationship needs to be work at, despite the variables. If you do not give up and put in the effort sincerely to work hard to salvage an almost broken relationship, it will survive. The fate believer will tell you that no matter what you do - will not change the situation if that is destined. It may only prolong time but in the end, it will crash. The fate of marriage is over. 

Should a lawful relationship then stay for the sake of little children? To allow them to live in a normal, healthy family unit. Ideally.

Is it wise to put an external facade while two broken hearts suffer in silence for the little ones? 

No easy answer to these questions.

The Inception of invasion=(

Ketenangan dan ruang yang dinikmati beberapa bulan ini akhirnya punah. Buat sementara sahaja aku berharap. Dia telah pulang. Namun,kepulangannya tidak dialu-alukan. Aku berharap dia akan beredar secepat yang mungkin. Aku berdoa siang malam agar harapan ini akan termakbul.

Dalam pada itu,kehadiran warga mamat - mamat rambut tercacak  lagi tidak disenangi.

Bukan masalah penampilan tetapi perlakuan membabi buta yang menjengkelkan.

Entah bagaimana mereka bijak menjerat minah-minah untuk wang ringgit dan nafsu.

Sememangnya kata teman bahawa tiada apa yang kekal sentiasa.

Situasai sering berubah-ubah , begitu dengan hati, perasaan dan minda manusia.