DAISY

I hope I recovered or at least on the road to recovery.
Sayangnya, ia belum menjadi seperti yang diharapkan.

Daisy is pretty blooming once upon a time in Netherlands.
Once upon a time, when things are pretty and bright.
I have no news from Amsterdam. The last stop is Berlin, I assume.

FLowers could bring love, but also death.

I LOOK TO YOU

It's a beautiful rendition from a vocal powerhouse, Whitney.
I heard it on a journey back one of those days I couldn't recall.
It wasn't speaking to me until lately.
My heart and mind urged me to get it.

It speaks of strength.

Yea, I am on my road to 'strengthening' school.
And to strengthen others.

I LOOK TO YOU

As I lay me down
Heaven hear me now
I'm lost without a cause
After giving it my all

Winter storms have come
And darkened my sun
After all that I've been through
Who on earth can I turn to?

I look to you
I look to you
After all my strength is gone
In you I can be strong

I look to you
I look to you
And when melodies are gone
In you I hear a song, I look to you

About to lose my breath
There's no more fighting left
Sinking to rise no more
Searching for that open door

And every road that I've taken
Led to my regret
And I don't know if I'm gonna make it
Nothing to do but lift my head

I look to you
I look to you
And when all my strength is gone
In you I can be strong

I look to you
I look to you
And when melodies are gone
In you I hear a song, I look to you

My levee's have broken, my walls have come
Crumbling down on me
The rain is falling, defeat is calling
I need you to set me free

Take me far away from the battle
I need you, shine on me

I look to you
I look to you
After all my strength has gone
In you I can be strong

I look to you
I look to you
And when melodies are gone
In you I hear a song, I look to you

I look to you
I look to you

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Pze_mdbOK8

LAST CHRISTMAS

I never forget this song where we connected albeit the message Wham conveyed.

Anticipating my journey to meet and embrace the familiar and the unfamiliar moments , counting the time for Christmas.



Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day, You gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day, You gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

Once bitten and twice shy
I keep my distance but you still catch my eye
Tell me baby do you recognise me?
Well it's been a year, it doesn't surprise me

(Happy Christmas!) I wrapped it up and sent it
With a note saying "I Love You" I meant it
Now I know what a fool I've been
But if you kissed me now I know you'd fool me again

Chorus

(Oooh. Oooh Baby)

A crowded room, friends with tired eyes
I'm hiding from you and your soul of ice
My God I thought you were someone to rely on
Me? I guess I was a shoulder to cry on
A face on a lover with a fire in his heart
A man undercover but you tore me apart


Oooh Oooh
Now I've found a real love you'll never fool me again

Chorus

A face on a lover with a fire in his heart
(Gave you my heart)
A man undercover but you tore me apart
Next year
I'll give it to someone, I'll give it to someone special special
someone
someone
I'll give it to someone, I'll give it to someone special
who'll give me something in return
I'll give it to someone hold my heart and watch it burn
I'll give it to someone, I'll give it to someone special
I've got you here to stay
I can love you for a day
I thought you were someone special
gave you my heart
I'll give it to someone, I'll give it to someone
last christmas I gave you my heart
you gave it away
I'll give it to someone, I'll give it to someone

Wham version:(best version coz the origin is timeless)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rFpdRWDxkbQ&feature=related

Piano:(like it)=)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pf_xuq_OysE

Guitar:(like this too)=)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=asNJyfDKVlM

3 hours to go

As always, you wish there were more hours but it is clearly a remote possibility.
However, the less means the bigger value of moments to cherish.
Insatiable appetite for updates and info with great food on my plate.
I don't mind to travel and spend the weekend at my favourite stay.
I like here more than before. I know this heart cries to leave this place behind when it's time to pack beyond the familiar and unfamilir borders. A traveller in and out of season in the search of experience and wonders that money can't buy. Somehow, I suppose I gotta cross the borders while time is with me.

Counting the days before Christmas come.
Leaving and mending heart is on its way.
To re-organize genuine priorities  and embrace a childlike faith which has been relegated far too long.
Seize the day, I am learning more as the days pass me by.

Apa itu erti keberanian?

Betul kata Gordon. Tiada siapa yang melepasi rintangan dan duka dalam kehidupan ini.

Pada saat-saat  ini, apakah perkara kritikal yang perlu dititkberat?

Aku harap aku tidak akan memperlekeh apa yang penting buat masa ini.

Aku bukan takut bertemu ajal, apa yang aku gentar ialah kesakitan.

Apabila hati berdenyut dan ditusuk, apabila rasa tidak selesa memamah badan. Apabila mata tidak pejam di kala kamar malam.

Apapun, aku sudah bersedia untuk mengetahui keputusan hari esok atau lewat hari nanti.

Lebih bersedia untuk ini daripada menurunkan diri di tempat yang masih asing.

Ahad terakhir.

Aku akan merindui bayu laut yang membalut resah yang berbaur di sanubari.

Aku akan pulang. Aku akan pulang jua.

Aku berat hati . Apakah keputusan ini yang sewajarnya?

Apakah ini pilihan hati?

Hanya Tuhan Yang Maha Esa yang ada jawapannya.

Aku diberitahu  kita harus berani mencuba kerana kita tidak tahu apa yang bakal berlaku. Ia adalah sesuatu yang ghaib. Oleh itu kita tidak berhak untuk menentukan sama ada kita akan berjaya atau tidak. Ketentuan itu di luar bidang kuasa kita. Hak kita hanya mencuba dengan keberanian.

Andainya kita berkata gagal, maka perjuangan itu sudah berakhir dan pastilah kita menjadi selemah-lemahnya.Tugas kita hanya untuk memohon dan meminta sesuatu daripada kuasa yang paling agung iaitu Allah. Jangan meminta daripada manusia kerana manusia hanya sedikit harta untuk diberikannya, tetapi meminta pada Allah kerana Allah mampu dan berkuasa memberi sebagaimana yang ditentukan-Nya.

Manusia telah dijadikan di dalam keadaan bersusah-payah.

Kita mempunyai daya tahan yang mengkagumkan.Terpulang sama ada kita hendak menggunakannya atau tidak.Apabila ada kemahuan, di situ ada jalan.

Aku berfikir sejenak.

"Aku memohon pada-Mu Ya Tuhan. Berikanlah  kekuatan pada hambamu yang tidak menakung ketenangan. Bukalah jalan pada hambamu ini yang masih dalam kegelapan.

Dakaplah hambamu ini dalam kasih-mu yang tidak pernah berubah.

Amen."

Solitude in the sands.....

It was a tad confusing times.
I don't expect this to come eventhough my mind reeled at that question some time lapse.
Surprisingly, it came today. Surprisingly. A blessing in disguise?
Is this real?
I still have some time left with me. To make a change.
Yet, it was given by a set of turn of events which is watched and crafted by the above or "nasib"?
I am unsure.

Should I? Will I be given?

I ran upstairs to break the news to the one who loves me and quarrel with at times.

And I couldn't wait to break to the one who also loves me more than I do. One whom I am guity towards.

The past couple of days saw me walking at the park  , alone when Mister Moon and the galaxy of stars take over the scene.  Only a  soul over here.I like it here. I like the dark shady mysterious shadow. The pine , the sand and sands.....

Walking over the bridge while casting my shadow on the lake, with a moonlight view at the mini jetty was panoramic. I was smitten there and then.

It feels so right to be alone in such solitary moments. A solitude.

And how long more  can I be here during those evenings? How many hours?

What could come afterwards?

God is mightier than my finite thoughts.

Yes, I still miss him but I know there are greater things that I 've missed.

Lambaian perpisahan dan salam pertemuan

Dendangan piano "Gone" oleh pemain piano Jimmy Chappell berkumandang di udara. Serasi dengan hamparan gambar-gambar musim luruh yang aku dahagakan suatu masa dahulu.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0vDhxSvfTo

Tak ada yang Abadi-tajuk lagu PeterPan itu memberi satu ingatan bahawa sebenar-benarnya itulah hakikatnya.
Manusia bertemu, berpisah dan sama ada pertemuan akan kembali atau sebaliknya-hanya Yang Maha Esa ada jawabnya. Sama ada jodoh itu akan menemukan mereka atau tidak.Bukan garisan dunia. Bukan iklim musim dan angin. Walau sedekat mana mereka berada , mereka tidak akan bersua melainkan jodoh dan takdir itu hadir untuk mereka. Begitu juga halnya-walau betapa jauh laut dan benua menjadi pemisah, mereka akan bersua kembali jika itu telah dibenarkan oleh Yang Maha Esa , lalu pertemuan itu mungkin menjadi lebih bererti , dikenang dan dihargai.

Dan mereka datang silih berganti.

Semakin sukar ruang pertemuan ditembusi dan apabila ia datang, tangisan gembira dan rasa sebak menerjah kalbu . Barangkali kita  sanggup melepaskan segala-galanya untuk bersua dan tidak mengucap perpisahan. Ia, apabila kita telah memberi lambaian perpisahan pada masa lampau.

Sekiranya pertemuan itu hadir dengan mudah, itu juga bermakna kita mengambil mudah untuk hidup dalam  kealpaan dan kerakusan hidup sendiri yang akhirnya membunuh segala-galanya. Lalu perpisahan menjadi iktibar untuk menghargai dan bersyukur dengan apa yang kita ada.


Namun perpisahan itu perlu wujud sebelum hadirnya pertemuan semula.
Barisan  puisi nukilan Wislawa Szymborska berkata:


.....................................

Since they'd never met before, they're sure
that there'd been nothing between them.
But what's the word from the streets, staircases, hallways--
perhaps they've passed by each other a million times?

I want to ask them
if they don't remember--
a moment face to face
in some revolving door?
perhaps a "sorry" muttered in a crowd?
a curt "wrong number"caught in the receiver?--
but I know the answer.
No, they don't remember.

They'd be amazed to hear
that Chance has been toying with them
now for years.

Not quite ready yet
to become their Destiny,
it pushed them close, drove them apart,
it barred their path,
stifling a laugh,
and then leaped aside.

There were signs and signals,
even if they couldn't read them yet.
Perhaps three years ago
or just last Tuesday
a certain leaf fluttered
from one shoulder to another?
Something was dropped and then picked up.
Who knows, maybe the ball that vanished
into childhood's thicket?

There were doorknobs and doorbells
where one touch had covered another
beforehand.
Suitcases checked and standing side by side.
One night. perhaps, the same dream,
grown hazy by morning.

Every beginning
is only a sequel, after all,
and the book of events
is always open halfway through.

Dear Island....

I have not seen you guys for long and today.
After much prolonged moments, I decided to see you all.
And, somehow you all still give a brilliant work. I envy you guys.
It is founded.

Perhaps, it is so right that I still have not figure out as what you all did  , when I thought I knew it all along.
Perhaps, the mini battle yesterday was the evidence from someone who have went through life ahead of me?

Well, returning to my former  is not inviting but it seems to stay and surprisingly, staying.
This rendition  allures again.
I felt the slow melody of SOWK.
And I know the "disconnected" so well.


Oh, I want to hit the sand at the GOR , longing so hard for it. I don't care how strong Mr Breeze and the chilly temperature.
I don't care about my safety. Even if death is taking its hands on me, in a way , it is the finality and I need not to worry further, I suppose. Just let it be that it is a peaceful one , not a gruesome account.

DISCONNECTED


Something's crept in under our door
Silence soaking through the floor
Pinching like a stone in my shoe
Some chemical is breaking down the glue
That's been binding me to you

I feel like I just don't know you anymore
I've been wrong and I've been there too many times
We walk in circles
The blind leading the blind
We've been disconnected somehow


Well I thought that love watched over this house
But you're boarding up the windows now
We're leaning on each other so hard
Tied so tight we wound up miles apart
Making simple things so hard

I feel like I just don't know you anymore
I've been wrong and I've been there so many times
We walk in circles
The blind leading the blind
We've been disconnected somehow

There's an invisible wall between us now
I've been burned and I've been there too many times
We walk in circles
The blind leading the blind

I see the landscape change before my eyes
The features I've been navigating by
Nothing looks the way it did before
I don't know where to look or what to look for

I feel like I just don't know you anymore
I've been burned and I've been down too many times
We walk in circles
The blind leading the blind
We've been disconnected somehow

There's an invisible wall between us now
I've been wrong and I've been there too many times
We walk in circles
The blind leading the blind
We've been disconnected somehow

There's an invisible wall between us now

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2KltAN3K2Y

Picking white corals

Decision can make or break us.
Choices is part of decision-making.
And I have just made a decision. Through the given choices.

During the dark night journey, I asked multiple questions. Am I  taking  a soft option here or am I serious?
Which will be it? The latter is casual, relaxed and play-down but am I serious? Or should I stick to the dull familiarity and play on the safe side? The one which doesn't change much from the previous state and perhaps that is why it is easier to think the latter could be it? For, for the longest time? The one that could make me happy and feeling better? The one that would not hurt and break me?Or perhaps yesterday was a process of my journey to find the truth ? The favoritism  might not be as what I expect to be the best for me?

I think of Anna, Rudy and many more out there. They have taken baby and giant steps to go for their love. It's risky too. They learned about pain , hurt but also bliss. I gotta tackle the issues rightly which otherwise will put me to square one and the hurt again. Am I ready? This is it? I thought I will not regret if I go for the latter but I might for the former because I know what I can expect. Both are partially equal and standing fine with the blend of the pros and cons. Reliastically,there is  no best both worlds all the time. I am gaining something by missing something else too. (emphasis) I sincerely and prayerfully hope I will not regret thereafter.

Although I have chosen the old familiar, I pray that there'll be better pavements  although rocks and stones will still piling up. At the end of the day, I am learning and learning still in this unknown journey. I've decided to go for the former with a tweak of change. But that does not indicate my entire love as yet.
There is another part of the former I have not deal with. Maybe giving myself the last verification of what is and what is not.

I don't know if Today Yahoo is dropping a clue blue but I know I have to be careful when relying on online sources.It is true that when we make mistake , we are also making a better inch. Without failure, we couldn't define success.It is by knowing what we are not, to know what we are.

5 mistakes everyone should make-yahoo shine

1. Totally embarrass yourself.
2.Ruffle people’s feathers.
3.Follow trends blindly.
4.Be willing to fail.(d-y-l)
5.Carelessly put yourself at risk.

Out of this 5, point 4 strucked me most. And that's what Bill MurphyJr thinks.  Well, a little similar background except the military serving and reporting for Iraq Post.
We served for different sources.

I recalled Peter Buffet who brought me this phrase"do what is speaking to your heart".

In addition, two vital questions thrown by Bill:
Are you .....??
If not, what...... ??

Blue Sands ....

I guess time does wonder although time will crack things.
I suppose I am able to leave those  behind me. Although the remnant is not vanishing entirely. Yes, things could and will change.
And here again time play its role. A time for everything.
Leaving, moving and going.
Living, sustaining, dying.


So, good-by.
 It was and is right. Sad but it's better than to merana bertahun-tahun. And with it, comes a new beginning. Prayerfully and hopefully, a new start with better changes.
Blue sands-everytime a song played in BB, it just falls right and proper. And that's a bonus.I am glad for Malaysian talent like Yuna. [Coward-sounds right.]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-DP0B3zCuZc

Another day out from the sea

I read a book yesterday. The book which I 've been searching for the past few weeks.
It opened my heart partially.

Yes, I wish people will value each other just as they are than those grades and/or material acqusitions.
This is a merit-based world,sadly. Spouse and family are no exception And , ourselves too.

Will there be light?

I've just spoken to someone over the phone.
A stranger.
But it doesn't matter. Her kindness and positive tone releases a small spark of joy to me despite tomorrow.
Will there be a shining light for me after living in darkness for these despairing months?


I am hoping. I am hoping that tomorrow is not a mere tomorrow, but a better tomorrow for me.
Let me go.

Where is my lighthouse?

It is true that broken life is inevitable. Who doesn't suffer from it before at least once?

I wish I am dead . At least, something happened.

But up to this moment, here I am laying aimlessly. I 've lost my ship and couldn't see the lighthouse which I 've always wanted to go.

A doubtful navigator is worst than a tragic sinking ship in the bottom of the depth of the sea.

Cerita kasih

Aku menyukai lagu ini yang dinyanyikan oleh Allahyarham Chrisye.
yang dinyanyikan semula oleh PeterPan. Rentak, lirik lagu  dan melodinya indah namun klip video begitu corot sekali, tidak sepadan dengan keindahan sebenar.
Apabila lagu ini didengar tatkla malam ini, ia begitu lunak sekali tika memecah kesunyian.

KISAH CINTAKU

Di malam yang sesunyi ini
Aku sendiri tiada yang menemani
Akhirnya kini kusedari
Dia telah pergi
Tinggalkan diriku


Adakah semua kan berulang
Kisah cintaku yang seperti dulu
Hanya dirimu yang kucinta dan kukenang
Di dalam hatiku
Takkan pernah hilang
Bayangan dirimu untuk selamanya


Mengapa terjadi kepada dirimu
Aku tak percaya kau telah tiada


Haruskah kupergi tinggalkan dunia
Agar kudapat berjumpa denganmu

Alt. Link

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=js-xl0VYuTM

Ke mana hilangnya ?

Hari ini , aku mengetahui sesuatu. Namun  itu tidak bermakna apa-apa petanda.Cuma aku mengetahui sesuatu daripada kisah perjalanan insan -insan lain yang pernah hadir dalam perjalanan hidup aku sendiri.

Ketika aku membuka lipatan penulisan aku , aku melihat semangat waja dan keyakinan aku pada-Nya masih utuh walau apa payah susah yang datang. Namun, kini semua itu semakin hilang dan mungkin lenyap. Walaupun aku tidak mahu demikian, namun aku sedang menuju ke arah itu.

Aku mengajukan soalan-soalan yang ditanya Nabi Ayub.
Namun aku mengerti semakin kita bertanya, semakin kecil kita sebenarnya.
Seseorang pernah mengingatkan aku bahawa perjalanan hidup ini bukan untuk menguraikan kekusutan atau mendapat jawapan kerana perjalanan hidup kita tidak  dicipta sedemikian rupa. Perjalanan hidup kita sebenarnya tentang jatuh bangun dan bukannya menggali rahsia yang hanya diketahui-Nya. Barangkali ada baiknya untuk tidak mengetahui sesuatu kerana kita tidak berupaya memahami kebesaran-Nya.

Pengganti- Sebahagian Daripada Kita

BB drama menyampaikan satu tema-pengganti.
Pengganti. Tiada sesiapa yang suka menjadi pengganti namun istilah ini tetap setia memainkan peranan di bumi gersang ini.
Hampir setiap daripada kita pernah menjadi pengganti atau mencari pengganti.
Pabila sepasang hati bertekad untuk memutuskan kasih  dan kemudiannya menemui kasih baru , itu merupakan perjalanan mencari ganti.
Begitu juga apabila sepasang hati memutuskan kasih demi kasih baru, ia suatu kisah pengganti.
Pabila pegangan tinta jatuh ke halaman  untuk coretan baru.
Pabila beban disandar kepada anak kecil.
Pabila kita bertapak di perhentian baru dan melambai jauh kepada rumah usang.
Pabila hidangan malam bertukar tangan kepada santapan lain.

Pelarian ke pantai

Hari ini, semalam dan kelmarin, aku melarikan diri bersama kereta kesayanganku ke pantai yang telah lama kutinggalkan. Ombak malam dan bayu laut membalut keresahan jiwa. Aku mahu melepaskan segala kekalutan kepada laut biru yang terbentang luas.