An evening in the sunset

I like to stand and watch the bridge from afar. Birds flying across without worries. I wish I could have a pair of wings to go as far as I like , wherever , whenever.

The sunset warms me. There is not much in a lifetime to feel and live as a breather.

My ex-editor has passed on and I didn't know his health battle.  I owed him something. It isn't an outstanding article but a legal opinion which I did not entertain before leaving. Although I am no better than the 'C', I know it is a tremendous , dolorous battle.

I have often reminded myself and him' that it's a short journey we are getting around here.

That is why I want to do well about relationship, about love and substance because I have seen the delusive delight and triumph of money, power, fame and all its resemblance.  Somehow, along the way, I ask whether I have coached myself to self-pleasing alone. Love is delusive too when it is only about me.

People said absence makes the heart grows fonder. Does it rings a lot of truth or does it not?

Right now, I have the many 'don't-knows' knitted in my mind. Working vigourously than the needle and thread. Effortlessly. I don't know whether I should go back and never say goodbye again.

What would you do when you no longer find joy in something that you often do in the past? Leave or put up with it and expect things could be better perhaps, because time will heal and reveal?

Ultimately, I have to decide whether this going to be a breaking point or turning point from now onwards.

Can life be made without a marriage but suffice that we can live happily above the ups and downs?  To be a companion to each other and clothe our relationship with selfless love.

Is that not possible or deadly impossible?

The Good, Bad and everything in between



Church glows at night in beach town



If only I can stay in this church for the whole day.

I am never holy but spiritual.

Nights have not been great with his return.

It was an unpleasant week, worse than Worst Week. Bornheimer could still have a laughter here and there.

I couldn't. Not even shedding tears.

I got swamped. ANd worst of it all, his return made me sick. I loathe every seconds of his presence.

This is such a strong aversion. I have been digging out time to escape and it is entirely tiring, an unenjoyable experience. Troubled. Robbed of peace, freedom and privacy.

This is where I can tell it all , to get this out of my chest and lungs.

I am praying for an escape, a liberation from this nutty.

At best, I could avoid puffing but not Cabernet. In good times or bad times, I would like to think of Cabernet. I know too much will ruin me but in times like these, I might not care, I am too tired to care and loaded with many cares.

I hope it will not take long to see you, dear.

Times are hard but I want to believe we can.

We will weather and survive. Wait for me. Pray for me.

God, speed the day I can live and leave in peace.