FATE and FAITH

I went to my potential graveyard one Saturday evening. It was a calm, soothing moment. The sands, sun and sea were around to accompany. What more could I ask? The lovely dusk was there to witness.

I walked by and read the tombstones. I wonder how their life have been before they went into the grounds.

Some have been there for many years, even before I join the earth and some have just reach the ground a few days ago. If I have a choice, I would ask for a cover from walking and returning to dust. Knowing is painful.

As I look deeper, I suppose we have no choice from the beginning. Whether we do later in the journey, I couldn't be sure. At this point of time, I conclude that life is made of fate. Perseverance and diligence count but fate is the mother still. Whether one will persevere, whether will have the determination to fight and survive till the end, these unravel one by one in this unknown - fate.

I went to the art house in the CBD one Friday. Picked the cinema critics. Watched and extracted the pieces to patch myself , to prevent the fading art in my soul and spirit. This saying of C.Lewis caught my attention,

"Faith...is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods."

The last four words are interesting. We do always act upon our impulse. Feelings. Views. People.

We affect and influence one another.

But there is one thing we should never allow others to kill or invent  - FAITH.

What is FAITH? What do I believe? What do I hold to? How true it is?

Do I believe because I am told it is so? 

Compliance and obedience is easy. When you do likewise without examining and questioning, it comes rather easy.

I am in the journey to seek more. I have no choice because I am already here although one day I will no longer be. One thing I must remember, I shall not have a faith dictated by people, circumstances and all other factors. And when I have embraced one upon MY decision, I should not allow others to kill it .Yea, also despite my changing moods. Because Faith is FAITH.

Artist: Five For Fighting
Album: Two Lights
Year: 2006
Title: The Riddle

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3q2wvhArAn8&feature=related

Laughing Gal

Knew someone who makes me laugh in a way which I have not enjoy for years.
I now know where to my find my happiness although transient.
The saying ' better than nothing' still sounds true.

Thanks for making me laugh. You have an arresting, unique and quirky personality that I found in no one else. Perhaps, your interesting, catchy, mischievious wits boost youth and kills the old cells.
Thanks for making me happy, laughing. Sadly , I don't possess the time and place of the world which otherwise, I think I choose to sit down and listen more often of your antics.

What really matters now, but to live in joy, health and be grateful?

Sadness and happiness - what's in between?

What makes one to be happy? Or rather it is a who?

The one who is capable to make us happy is also one who is capable to make us sad.

What can make you happy can make you upset too.

Children can bring us joy but hurt as well. Our spouse, needless the say, echoes the same.

Nevertheless, I find a clear distinction between the two.

That our feelings and love towards our mate could change but NOT towards our children.

No matter what or where they have been, the layer of a parent instinct hardens not the love and that we want to protect them as best as we could.

Happiness is such a big essence in life. And for me, more than ever before.

In the past, I tend to hide my preferences, giving in for others good although inappropriate and suffer in silence. I suppose I am and should be wiser than before - to undone the above.

As such, I am doing my best to live a joyful life and applying the rule of ignorance is bliss where appropriate.

Happiness affects an overall being of a man/woman and eventually affects the other living close to them.

Each of us carry a weight of unhappiness inside us. No one is spared. Because this is simply , a life of human being. We carry such feelings that is born effortlessly.

If you are unhappy, you could do something about it. You choose.

I do know somehow, in order to be happy, you need to taste the hurt and swell to understand the relevance of happiness.

This relevant rendition by highly talented Oscar-winning duo folk whom I am looking forward to hear when possible.

Album: Strict Joy

Artist: Swell Season

Title: Go with Happiness/Fallen from the sky

Year: 2008/2007

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GoTzjzZb3pg&feature=related

GO WITH HAPPINESS

Because the heart's a fool
A stranger to the room
Because the love has grown
I had to leave you alone

And if you're gonna go, go with happiness
And if you're gonna go, go with happiness

Because the promise failed
Because we're off the rails
An arrow straight and true
A gift to me from you

And if you're gonna go, go with happiness
And if you're gonna go, go with happiness

Because the heart's a fool
A stranger to the room
And because the love has grown
I had to leave you alone

And if you're gonna go, go with happiness
And if you're gonna go, go with happiness
And if you're gonna go, go with happiness
And if you're gonna go, go with happiness

T-H-A-N-K-S

It's been a year of blogging. In all honesty, I never thought I do so until a July incident and the drama boy budged me.

That events happen for a reason?

This is indeed a 'happening' year. Although illness, unhappy faces and setbacks surface, I am thankful for the many visted places and beautiful moments and souls. It could sound rather stale as a cliche but I have to remind myself over and over again to be grateful. Yes, "thanks / thank you / khob-kun-Ka", simple thanks to folks and ultimately, my Creator despite the non-understanding of events that happen in my journey since my entrance into this cosmos.

Had I not leave home, had it not been a quiet walk , had I not abandon legal profession, had I not succumb to illness, had I not leave ,basically...  I would not have learn that I have a lot in abundance. Don't talk about material, I mean let's get to the real, raw, honest things in life which we often take for granted.

It is when you think you have nothing, you have in abundance. Because you still can feel, think and express in song or in utter silence.

In sickness, I learn that a simple movement of walking and swinging of the hands is not a simple thing to forget.

It sounds simple but when you are deprive to move and swing, it doesn't sound simple anymore.

The recent painful sitting. Without cause but with effect.

It never came to me that sitting , an everyday act , could be a painful thing to do.

The easy forgotten mind, I would have to jot down well everywhere but for those I couldn't , what should I do?

The swell and rashes , sends an inconvenient truth and anxiety over me.

Praying for healing, day and night.

Pray for me.

Although I may not know who you are, but thanks for your prayers.

Pray that I get well.

It's not because I want to live longer, but to minimise the pain
and hurt.

Probably, man's biggest fear is not death, but the torturing, lingering pain and hurt.
I fear dying, not death.

Music, as always never fail to lift me, be it joy or sorrow.
Enjoy these are two of my favourite Bach 's classical pieces which have not lost its touch till today.

G Major Bach's Cello Suite No.1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xUdkXWmxT9I&feature=related

Preclude in C Major
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlAic9aPoqs

The Smell of Bangkok

Aku dicengkam pelbagai perasaan  sejak menjejakkan kaki  di kota Krung Thep (juga dikenali sebagai "city of angels" selepas diterjemah) pada larut malam. Tidak pernah kubayangkan keceriaan aku mampu dicipta di sini. Ia akan mengambil masa yang agak panjang untuk menyesuaikan diri di sini kukira, namun, hati aku terbuka, semakin terbuka untuk negara Gajah Putih ini yang telah menambat hati aku yang mendukung ribuan kekusutan.

Hari demi hari, aku belajar mengenali diri sendiri, muka baru, budaya, bahasa, cinta, kepercayaan, kegembiraan dan keunikan.

Aku tidak pasti apakah kota ini telah menjawab persoalan yang telah lama bersarang. Namun, aku seolah-olah diberi petunjuk sewaktu aku melangkah lebih jauh.

 

#1

Aku bukan seorang pecinta haiwan, dulu, sekarang mahupun masa hadapan. Bagaimanapun, hari ini, telatah beberapa ekor orang utan, singa laut dan dolfin menghiburkan hatiku. Setibanya di pekan koboi, aku memikirkan alangkah enaknya jika hidup kita serba ringkas dengan beberapa deretan kedai yang memadai dengan perigi air dan landskap yang mudah. Namun, kita masih memerlukan sepatah senapang kerana dunia ini tidak mengenal keamanan. Di sini, aku boleh memiliki senapang untuk tujuan keselamatan dan perlindungan. Aku belum mahir mengendalikannya namun masa akan menentukannya.

 

#2

Aku menuju ke Erawan yang wujud di tengah-tengah kesibukan kosmopolitan ini dan melewati tempat suci para penganut Buddha yang sedang bersembahyang. Kelihatan sekumpulan penari kembara yang menari mengikut paluan alat-alat genderang dengan nyanyian dikir.

Para wanita sibuk menjual kalungan bunga-bungaan untuk upacara sembahyang kepada para pelancong.  

Mata aku bertumpu pada sepasang kekasih umpama bagai pinang dibelah dua yang baru selesai bersembahyang. 

Entah kenapa selepas itu, aku mendengar bisikan hati yang memberi satu ketetapan dan petunjuk yang mungkin menyelamatkan diriku. 

Bahawa aku tidak perlu berkorban. Kerana aku punya pilihan.

Seperti hati ini, seleraku juga semakin terbuka. Meskipun makanan di sini masih asing dan pelik rasanya bagiku, aku boleh menjamu selera dengan baik dan makan lebih daripada yang biasanya. Aku tidak berasa sakit seperti sebelumnya. Elok nampaknya. Bau-bauan Thai semakin menebal, menuruti semua laluan kecuali apabila sang hujan melepaskan bilah-bilahnya. Kotak fikiranku masih perlu berputar ligat untuk ilham karya seterusnya. Namun, buat pertama kalinya hati aku terpaut dan tidak dapat kuuraikan penjelasannya. Terpaut barangkali, sekali ganda daripada detik-detik di NSW yang sebenarnya tidak kurang indah dengan kelembutan dan kesunyian yang hidup. Bulan malam menyaksikan aku lena terlelap sementara menanti mentari pagi menghampar kanvas langit.

There is a place

I have been roaming around in this universe for quite awhile.

I love the thrill, excitement, experience, taste, delight , scene and sound I came across.

Of all , the freedom to walk about and breath the moments. The unspoken moments.

I have moved recently. Closer yet further than before.

Somehow, it is something to celebrate about this move after my peace and space was missing for the past 8 months. Now, I am looking forward to create and work harder to do well in crafting words and scripts.

I like the stealing gleam of light into my room. The shining soft colour of dusk brightens this new space.

Nevertheless, nothing will beat my first home. Nothing will ever beat that no matter where I am.

For that, I am glad to be here today. But the sad part is always a short time spent here.

I have been looking and asking where do I want to stay and no longer move.

That I no longer want to travel, roaming and going about. Stay still. Enjoy the remnant of life under a healthy, glowing sun and white sandy beaches near me. 

Perhaps, I have been a little tired and wonder if I should make a stop.

I went to Waves Park last Thursday. The green trees stood solid as before and the breeze enveloped my feelings. They seem to understand the battle within me and want to take it away from me. I rest my soul here and if it wanders, I shall make a petition to allow its return to this charming place. That I shall rest in peace near the understanding living wind and green , and not to miss out the darling sea.

Three of us stood here on a beautiful Saturday evening and one of us has gone and shall not return here again in human form. Whatever it is, I pray heaven loves us.

It's no deal

If  all else is more or less the same, we have 3 months to go before we pull down the curtain of 2011.

It is a-three-significant months in such a tumultuous period of human history todate.

The question of living still matters most.

Why are we here and what is the purpose to be here in this world without our choice in the beginning and the end.

And my heart will tie close with these strangers I do not know but whose life stories has brought me nearer to them.

Theirs - a life of tragic, misery and uncertainty. I learned more about them this year and I want to know more of them and I hope I could something better to help them.

For someone who is disappointed in justice most of the time, my wounded heart is comforted to know that the Australian-Malaysia swap deal is failed. The High Court in Australia scuttled the controversial deal , a blow to the Gilliard's government. Asylum issues has become a subject to critize the unfavorable Labor Government in the Land Down Under.

Among the refugees, unaccompanied minors are the most vulnerable in the group. When these are crucial, formative years for them. Yet, they have no one to stand by. No one to depend on. In a foreign environment. With thousands who share the same place, food , space and air.
Driven by circumstances, they are forced to grow up fast and acquainted with suffering than their peers who live in normal and ideal conditions of life. Sending them to Malaysia, a non-signatory of the UN Human Rights Convention on Refugees is a big No No. The risk of torture, rape and ugly side of human abuse are not absent.

For that, the no-deal  is indeed a joy in the middle of navigating the threads of sorrow.