Undone our both sides

One more day to go, it's gonna be a year without our both sides.

And probably such years will extend throughout our lifetime.

I have decided. I should have, long time ago.

I chose to believe in 'fate', not my faith, not you.

I am ready to let go the thread of our kite.

Barring gadgets. Closing our Pinots. Pulling the brakes.

It's the hardest night of the last time.

But that has to be to bring the better days.

I cherish the lights and chill in Abel Cottage and East Park's pre-eve in our written chapters, only to  reduce its fragments slowly. Although I am tempted to re-write the chapters and fill the pages with colours, my heart does not give way eventually.

So, this is waking, sleeping and walking on my path , another day, another year.

In sickness, in difficulties, in rare happiness and blessings in disguise.

My centre of affection is looking at the galleries which I shall pass and words to craft.

Sharing the time to paint with the children. It doesn't matter with the messy colours everywhere.

Along the way, in low residency, to transfrom into an art piece. Not to please the world. Not to please anyone, anymore. Not to live in others expectation. Praying to taste the release of a dove.

Title: Both Sides Now

Artist: Joni Mitchell

Year: 1969

Renewed: 2000

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5e_-u7J2-ag&feature=related

How many hours?

Time never stands still but it would one day, perhaps.
Everyone knows that this old planet would reach its finality someday and the big question is 'WHEN'?

As I re-look at my life, I wonder how have I write it in between within the pages of time.
What is indeed life? It is a journey shaped by our choices and circumstances and fate being  a big factor?

I have less than an hour to go to catch the trip down but I can't stop writing.
The thought of leaving yesterday's evening walk back my new home at the green park cemented with the bridges is painfully unpleasant.

How many hours do I have before I can make an ultimate stop and say , this is it, we are not moving anywhere further.

How many hours do I have before I can complete a brilliant manuscript to change the world to be a better place?

How many hours do I have to meet someone whom I have forgotten , those whom I want to extend my thanks?

With the ticking of the clock, I have to pack and leave in less than half an hour.

An evening in the sunset

I like to stand and watch the bridge from afar. Birds flying across without worries. I wish I could have a pair of wings to go as far as I like , wherever , whenever.

The sunset warms me. There is not much in a lifetime to feel and live as a breather.

My ex-editor has passed on and I didn't know his health battle.  I owed him something. It isn't an outstanding article but a legal opinion which I did not entertain before leaving. Although I am no better than the 'C', I know it is a tremendous , dolorous battle.

I have often reminded myself and him' that it's a short journey we are getting around here.

That is why I want to do well about relationship, about love and substance because I have seen the delusive delight and triumph of money, power, fame and all its resemblance.  Somehow, along the way, I ask whether I have coached myself to self-pleasing alone. Love is delusive too when it is only about me.

People said absence makes the heart grows fonder. Does it rings a lot of truth or does it not?

Right now, I have the many 'don't-knows' knitted in my mind. Working vigourously than the needle and thread. Effortlessly. I don't know whether I should go back and never say goodbye again.

What would you do when you no longer find joy in something that you often do in the past? Leave or put up with it and expect things could be better perhaps, because time will heal and reveal?

Ultimately, I have to decide whether this going to be a breaking point or turning point from now onwards.

Can life be made without a marriage but suffice that we can live happily above the ups and downs?  To be a companion to each other and clothe our relationship with selfless love.

Is that not possible or deadly impossible?

The Good, Bad and everything in between



Church glows at night in beach town



If only I can stay in this church for the whole day.

I am never holy but spiritual.

Nights have not been great with his return.

It was an unpleasant week, worse than Worst Week. Bornheimer could still have a laughter here and there.

I couldn't. Not even shedding tears.

I got swamped. ANd worst of it all, his return made me sick. I loathe every seconds of his presence.

This is such a strong aversion. I have been digging out time to escape and it is entirely tiring, an unenjoyable experience. Troubled. Robbed of peace, freedom and privacy.

This is where I can tell it all , to get this out of my chest and lungs.

I am praying for an escape, a liberation from this nutty.

At best, I could avoid puffing but not Cabernet. In good times or bad times, I would like to think of Cabernet. I know too much will ruin me but in times like these, I might not care, I am too tired to care and loaded with many cares.

I hope it will not take long to see you, dear.

Times are hard but I want to believe we can.

We will weather and survive. Wait for me. Pray for me.

God, speed the day I can live and leave in peace.

The Many Sides of Sea in May

A morning walk to the sea

Seats by the beach



A solemn evening at white beach






Lovely night walk at the beach

Fabulous. This is a month of sea outing for me.

I am glad that I am raised in a town of sea.

I love to reside nearby the sea. Despite the water turbulence of world disasters, I still hold that I am never bored with the sea.

I am blessed to walk nearby the sea. The voice of the sea and its sparkling blue gem greet the houses in the surrounding areas. The school children have fun. Young couples and family are walking together with laughter and joy.

Surfers manoeuver the classic and new waves. Older ones are enjoying the cuppa nearby the beach cafe.

Walking to the never-been-before seas and a re-visit to former beaches give a refreshing sense and I smell new respiration.

I wish time could stop. Right now.

The Power of Being in the Moment

My favourite sweet spot in the garden

My gigantic hugging tree at green linear

Walking down to town in the early evening



Casting of the late noon sun upon the church

 

Every moment , be it the past, present and future stores a meaning behind it.

I suppose mapping the foreign terrain will build a bigger collection of the power of being in the moment.

When I made the decision to leave a familiar place of many years and though it means no fixed homes, there are no regrets in restrospect.

If I have not, I would not have learned much and learning better each day.

Many things could stay the same but I know I won't be.

In this life, unless we make a little bold steps and further, we never know how much we could be.

A person who is alive is constantly getting lost. The big thing...is to realize that this your own adventure, and that all the field guides....holding up mirrors can only flash you...a glimpse of your own story. It's yours to savor. It belongs to no one else.

Bonnie F.

Yes, there are always something that no one can steal from us. Only we ourselves can feel it within. Only we can tell the story. The encounter of extraordinary moments that was written in our heart, soul and mind.

Whether in the company of our loved ones, the community and on our own.

As I was walking alone the street of this lovely town, I feel blessed. It was a beautiful, sunny day in the midst of chill. I left my trail at the little cottages, art galleries and cafes which dotted along the street. The cathedral stood tall and bathed in evening light. 'Blessed' became the vocabulary of the day.

After all, these moments are hard to come when the pouring rain may hold its mercy.

Title: In a Moment

Artist: Rebecca St.James

Year: 2011

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fmh2-NEZ4JA

Colder

Autumn trees on my way to town

The old autumn foliages

Autumn is making its way for winter. It's getting colder.

As dark falls earlier than the day, time is edging at a quicker pace which I couldn't earn.

Couldn't sleep well of late. Dun wanna hold on to those tablets somehow. Hating capsules, these never change.

Somehow, I love to embrace the chill at times. A sense of freedom and quietness entered the soul.

Yea, I just want silence and the sea. I learn to cherish what's more important and worthwhile for the soul, heart, mind and spirit.

There are moments that couldn't be bought. There are moments where we cannot turn back. However, there are moments that will not be forgotten because of its significance, depth and breadth that only you experience and feel throughout which stays in your heart. Which I thank Almighty God for those extraordinary, amazing moments.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=447yaU_4DF8