Days of Years

Looking around to find my treasure

But time sprints and I can only run tomorrow

To be nothing is happy

Who doesn't ever feel unhappy before?
Tell me if you know someone who didn't.

If I have a choice to taste happiness, I rather not choose it .
I rather know and feel nothing than paying the price of happiness.
Sweeter, kinder and a more beautiful life without knowledge, emotions , power, lust, humanity.
Only nothing. Nothing. You don't know.
I don't know.
We don't and we don't want to know.

Remembering

I thought of him yesterday.
I offered prayers to above to lessen his suffering and pain.
Yet, I am also cruel to him.
The last I met him was the celebration of  his 100 years of life.
He is the strongest I've met thus far and when I learned that his strength is declining, I knew it wasn't easy.

Today, he breathed his last and I wasn't by his side.
The sky was clear. The feelings were somewhat not the same.
I 'm not there in person but my mind is actively reminding me.
Thinking of his life journey, how far he had come.
My thin perseverance and worst, the lack of productivity.
Fate, casting blame to fate again, really?


Looks like I should not  play JB anymore. JB seems to be an impending exit.


It is a regret that I couldn't showcase any great milestones for him.
His last wish was not materialised and the sense of regret is palpable.

I'm truly sorry, AG.
The thoughts I had, the disrespect I displayed, the harsh words uttered.
The impossible reconciliation between your Chan (which I loathe till today), your kin and I.
I'm deeply sorry, AG.
May you rest in peace. 

Almost everything comes with both sides - the good and the bad.
If you  look deeper, anything that comes with the bad brings along the best. Likewise, the good has its hidden rough edges too. When you gripe, consider the other perspective too.

The places you went, the faces you met and the situations that throw you in a myriad of questions and emotions.

Another term has recently ended and it marks another new beginning.

Another person has left the place and someone else comes to fill in the vacuum.

Another season has passed and the spring ushers and sends a farewell to the winter.

If there is anything to remain and stay eternally, what do you wish it to be or who will it be?

Without a doubt, I know who will it be despite not knowing the 'whats' in life.

Some words said in a minute sounds as if the most precious word you ever heard in many years.
Some people you met for an hour sounds the best than those you have met for years.
Some concern which ticks you in a minute poses threat to you for months.

Somehow, most things present the both sides. The good and the bad. The positive and the negative. The beauty and the blemish.

It's strange that I could no longer relate to that kindness.
As times move on, we are moving on too.
To our respective life's puzzle.

In between and unexpected places and the same timing at different zone,
I can relate to the other soul , the other kind of kindness although it was a late encounter.
So, truly time may not necessary be the determiner.
At the right place. At the right time.
Nay.
I refuse or reluctant to believe so.
Not even the belief of the right person coz no one is ever right.

It is perhaps luck, fate or arrangement in the universe from above?
This is more of a corner of comfort than a love zone.
All it does is warmth and encouragement. That's all. Nothing more, nothing less.
As simple as that. A small gift that is huge enough.

Last

Last
What does it brings?

Last
Remain forever
or the final forever?

When is the last time I celebrate my glories?
Where are those glorious days which I hope to last?

When is the last time I see my smile?
Where did we create our smile and vow for each other?

At last, we don't last forever
Things will change
Yet remain the same

We are not made to last
Someday, somewhere
Heaven or hell awaits us

Today is the last of a pathetic calendar
Today is our last which enter into the past
May faith lasts forever

May faith and love lust for me
When it is my last

Faith...Hope...Love..or Words?

Words are elusive in the world of darkness
Or rather it is me?
Who are becoming my worst enemy and floating miserably?

Cries of the heart. Dry tears. Silence.
Only Pain and Me present in this purple room
The battle that no one could fight on my behalf.

Were I wrongly made?
Am I curse or am I a blessing?
Am I living in the right time?

What's the purpose behind my making?
Is he protected because of me?

Don't ask 'Why'?
Ask 'How'?

I am sorry, I am still a seeker
Hunting for reasons behind everything
And so I insist 'Why' after so many years.

I believe there is a cause for everything,
I care for the cause more than the effect.

You whisper Love but my doubts reign and chain
I yell distrust, anger and bitterness
Nothing can be hidden
I am still clueless as ever

What is Faith?
What is Hope?
Do they go together?

Is Love love?
Is Love powerful?
Is Love a hero?

How do we know Love?
Words?
Acts?
Both?

Perhaps, faith is more powerful.
Faith leads you. Incapable to fail.
If we trust each other,we need no words.

ANTARA PERJALANAN DAN DESTINASI

確認された？混乱？
何が正しいの？何が悪いのでしょうか？
私は自分自身を信頼することはできますか？気持ち？
いや、彼らは変化する - 年、月、日と時間。
いや、言葉はあまりにも信頼できません。
私は、あなただけで他には何を信用していないのに役立ちます。

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YO-VPeNBS88

Finally the day arrives

I know this is coming.
It took me so long to know and discover what happens during those unseen years.

Although time flies, it doesn't change much it seems.

The seed is yet to bloom. No crop to harvest.

How could this be with the march of time?

I am afraid to fall. I have fallen many times.
Obviously, self-help is the best remedy when you fall.
Someone could lend their hand to you but you gotta  stand on your own eventually.
You 'll realise that at the end of it, there's only you and no else behind or before you.


Double happiness is akin to three wounds. I know about it. I am expecting it.
Yet, I am not ready to deal with it.

An evening heart

A peaceful sun dusk which eases my anger over the Midlanders

Beautiful sunset on a calm evening

Enchanting evening with dancing trees

I love the dusk more than a sunrise.
It speaks to me as placid waters.

It also signifies that the trouble of the days are slowly fading in the starry, night sky.
A rest, relaxed soul thereafter after the rough days.
Wine and light come together.
A soulful melody and lovely words pacify my tiny strength.

No matter where I go, it helps to know I have grace from above.
The One who lets me enjoy both the sunrise and sunset.

This world is still immature as it recognises discrimination and strereotypes.
Why do we resort to hurt each other?

Differences are beautiful.
It is only when we drop down our arrogance and uphold acceptance and respect each other as a human being, we could make this world a better place.

No one is better than the other. The sunrise and sunset do not appear to us exclusively.

Strangers in Paradise

Strangers and paradise?
Both don't sound amicable to me.
But I must assert that I hope both these words will give me a sheer delight for the coming moments.

It's another time to move on to new territory.
Accepting and embracing strangers and the unfamiliar could be daunting still despite a frequent mobility.
Never thought I will embark on this land which once witnessed our connection across thousand miles during the pleasant evenings.

I want to look forward instead of returning to our present dwelling.
May great things are accomplished here with the blessings from above.

I've always like to hear 'Leaving on a Jetplane' and this is my choice of an amateur play.
There's has been many versions but I like to pick this as my best favourite.
It's soothing and it doesn't matter if I have to wait for the taxi.

Enjoy!

Title: Leaving on  a Jetplane
Artist: Tara MacLean
Album: Songs for Sunset
Year: 2006
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvqORmiuBvg&gl=HK

New - Great or nothingness?

New environment, new faces, new car, new home.

Suddenly, the former turned into a brand new swanky stuff, overnight or gradually.

We always expect and view the new as positive.

When we moved to a new house, I am happy that we have bigger space now.

It didn’t really appear to me that I wish for my space those days but I do now. Perhaps, the familiarity and the common attachment to my room had me a desire for my space.

Comfort zone, common and common. Comfortable.

Now that we have moved to a new house, I find that I miss our former home.

Although it was smaller then and a nasty next door we had, I find fewer things that bothered me than where the new is.

News, conversation and traffic were lesser. Sound proof is better. Less  interference. Less people to dislike. Private. Breeze.

My soul is still there. I played around the neighbourhood. The house watched me till I moved . I recalled the tall tree under the evening sun.

The image was pleasant and nostalgic.

There was a short walk nearby to a lake and eateries. I walked, cycled and drove along the road.

I even made a project of this former residence. Snapping, writing and pasting about the neighborhood.

People picked me from here. Day and night.

My days, my tears and joy were watched under the moon, sun and stars when I was here.

I did laundry better here?

Although the house is now occupied by someone new, it had me there and nothing could cut the bond.

No matter what has transformed in this neighbourhood, it was once my lovely residence. A truth no one could bend. It is our house of love. 

A house which once housed me.  

A home.

A dwelling in my past which shall not be forgotten.

Eat, Pray, Die

An editor commented the phrase I used in one of my article.
An acrimonious divorce is superflous.
No divorce could be described with a positive adjective.

Exactly. Just as my detachment process which has been acutely depressing.
The bolt and nuts of my brain are almost dropping off from the screws.

I enrolled into the wrong book out of the world's expectation. Could I blame on the guru whom I consulted so I don't feel entirely sorry?

I have a good affair with Love but shortly left and reluctantly return to Hate in critical moments.
Moving on with Hate, we landed on new soil but Hate had transformed into a Sore and I hated it deeply than before but surprisingly, I still cling unto it.
Why do we often have what we refuse?
Why there is no better refuge?

Sore then mellowed and I found Genial in Sore.
Slowly, Sore is changing into a small Hate.
Smaller and smaller.

Still, I want to bid farewell to Hate.
I want to close Hate's door. I want to open Love's door.
Could I?

Love has grown over the years in the march of time.
But, Love may not open its door now.
A bit too late. The carriage has a timer.
I have to line up in the queue with an uncertain 'Yes'.

I lose Love because of Hate over the years.
Why didn't I boldly pursue Love in the first instance?

Could I reclaim Love and dwell happily in an English Castle?
Armed with knights and weapons to block Hate at the entry gate?

I sincerely don't know.
I eat without Love.
I pray without Love but I still pray.
I pray to die if I could not open Love's door.

Who's on the line, sweetie?

The raging wind is acting in madness out of a sudden.
Blowing the housetops forcefully and sending bangs of the door.

I began to follow the similar madness.
Mad at about everything that has to do with life, especially me which is a life.

It is not impossible to ask what identifies you, here on earth, yes, on earth.
Heaven cares your identity the least but you know the earth doesn't act that way.

What is your worth?
A gem? A baby? The desirable ? The 50's greatest man/woman list?
Listed by Forbes? Fortune 500? FHM? AskMen?

Where do you live?
What type of property you purchase/invest?
Posh? Elite neighbourhood? Or eww...slum? Worst - homeless?

What do you do vs How do you do?
What's your paycheck? Packed with fat or slim in figure?
How many zeros you've got in there?

We began to identify ourselves along these veins.
Our validation comes from ????
Bingo if you answered "Others".

I took a walk under the dark sky and singled out the three big factors which the world uses in the identification department - money, intellect and beauty.

If you have any of these in generous amount and quality, you could made an easy ride on earth. Almost.
Oh, never mind if you cut others' line and gain them shrewdly.
The point is - get it or get lost.


All of us know this fact , a somewhat cruel fact that I have to tell my kid that "this is it".

Who dialled our line, sweetie? 
Fame, Power, Wealth, Beauty, Seduction, Temptation
Anything but the real thing, mommy.

Tears and Fears

The glare of this light is annoying.

But this has been my place for the passing months.

I observe the crystal ball before me. 

I don't like what I see. 

Is the fear of death more fearful than death itself?

A young woman got stuck in a car after a collision at the trunk road.

The late arrival of the paramedic diminished her chance for survival.

She fancies music a lot and writes about thirteen songs todate.

Putting hopes to cut her own album, she endured with the hopes that day will arrive when people are singing her tune. That the world will discover her music.

A collission on a Tuesday morning teared up everything in a second.

Her unspoken lyrics. Her song demos. Her passion. Her hopes.

Her fears. Her frustration. Her struggle. Her pain.

What's our worth at the end of the day?

Some people have good things fall easily into their laps, with or without the luck.

Some did their very best and be flat honest but hindrances are here to stay.

What's wrong?

What's the barometer to measure who, what and when they deserve good things to happen?

I don't want to answer this question.

I am unable to answer him, except with a blank, lost  look on my face.

Should I be thankful I am still around or I am merely living on the shell without my essence?

The Road Home

Hilda has been looking for a home for years. A home which shall become her dwelling.
A home where she belongs and no one could encroach. A home where she belongs without end.
Today, she assures herself that it will never be found here because this is not where she is meant to be.

The disorder returns and she hopes this is the last episode.
The pain and discomfort which were familiar are here again.
Today, she realises all the more that life is not an answer but a question from the beginning.

She lets herself  to write more now as time permits.
She wants to be happy because it is bringing her closer to home.
Today, she braces herself and walks among the crowd despite the silent pain.

'Why me' is an automatic response when it attacked her in silence.
The groans, moans and whispers of prayer.
Today, she learns the ability to eat and sleep is a blessing indeed.

A new year came after the old has gone.
She wonders why do we celebrate when a new day is just another recycled day to be.
Today, she weeps not because suffering could end soon when the above opens the door of her home.

Hasten me home to lessen my suffering, she said.
She longs to walk the path which leads her home.
Today, she visits those who had found their home.

Do we borrow time or we are made to borrow?
She still couldn't find the meaning of being a soul.
Today, she finds the enchanting sea could be evil too.

Sooner or later we have to go.
Someone else will arrive to replace the departure.
Today is just like another ordinary today, except the day she gets to home.


Nocturne - Daylight Rain

http://www.youtube.com/watch?gl=SG&v=_hyAOYMUVDs

Hellos and Goodbye

Bit by bit I get back to those whom I met some years ago.
Perhaps it's because we are coming at the end, closer than before.
We see how much we have changed and what we have not.
We realise how time not only flies but how it has shaped us as well.


A few days ago, a brother in the church I used to go was ushered up to above.
I whispered a silent prayer, throwing a gaze through the glass window and thinking about him.
His sudden exit is a reminder again.


Three questions came to my mind as fast as the lightning. Questions about my exit from this world.

1) How will I leave? (Most important of all)
2) When and where is the final place?
3) Who is the last person I will see before I leave?

At the end of the journey, everything seems to be meaningless.
We could not take we have. We do not belong here but we live as though it's our permanent abode.

We all have the common goal in this world - seeking happiness and it comes in the form of material and non-material.
We do not choose to arrive here just as we can't choose when we want to leave, even jumping from the 99th storey may not be successful if that is not meant to be.

So, what do we do with life?
Perhaps, one of the best thing that happen here is not buying the huge mansion on tophill.
Perhaps it's not being a well-known personality, getting our dreams materialised, driving the fancy car down the Great Ocean Road or the first millions we made.

How I do want to live if I know tomorrow is my last?

This is the song I could not resist to replay. It carries me to the past, present and  maybe the future.


Someplace Good

http://www.youtube.com/watch?gl=SG&v=POSo-nEZ1vY

May' Lovers to a Secret July

We are coming closer to our second year annivesary, and yes to close it.
We have celebrated the joys and downs in our life's journey and it ended quite well, amicably.
Now matter where we will be in the past and next zones, perhaps it is only right, to meet for the last in July.

You will be the secret I'll keep like the buried ocean liner.
You will be the secret I'll share with my child.
And, sometimes secret will taste pure and purer as time goes when you cover it with sands by the seaside, watching the sea water to wash and carry it away.

These renditions which I find so apt to describe the gamut from joy to grief which we've shared throughout those moments.

-Excerpt from "Letters of Carmen July"
Dedicating for a July Remembrance:

Under the Moonlight:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBizQ-zZoZw&feature=relmfu

What Will I Do:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3UuL6mhQoJA

Hear Me Cry:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5mLOMKJYpo

Close to You:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7UVoHpwY90&feature=related

Close to You: (Piano version)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cl3uZHmUpT4&feature=related

Silent Emotion: (Piano Version)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlpiVaxuqUs

Silent Emotion:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eP6EDaV-jd0&feature=relmfu

Pathétique

Three days over and  this has come as marked in the diary.

I packed my work and made my quick steps, grabbing a quick meal and headed to the theatre hall.

With high hopes and a dizzy state,  I sincerely hope I would not end up in disappointment and that my restlessness will melt, at least , within the 2 hours.

I am glad and pleased to make it.
After coming back to this place for some time,  it has changed to somewhat a better landscape.

Changes. While I resist changes at some point for some reasons, I know well now that familiarity has takes a lot of   back seats. Let's just hope that the changes are for the benefit of many, to make this world a lesser doom.

Somehow, my wish , still remain unchanged.

In the darkness within the 2 hours, my soul was delighted and carried away by Beethoven's piece.

No disturbance. Only the Adagio movement, solitude, the perfomer and us.

It described the multiple mood and the delicate sense, running in between hopes and fears.

It also escorted me to time in Japan, coming towards the end.

I still recall those moments at the end of dusk, a soft light which, perhaps only could prevail back then.

It is probably a dimmer hope to return and find such radiance in the march of time.

Still then, I have to fill the remaining days with the sun of righteousness, innocence of morning light and a light, mystic silent night.

Enjoy:

Beethoven Sonata No. 8 'Pathetique' Mov. 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ly1iTD0zB1Y&feature=related

Happier than a bride

A woman's biggest and happiest day most would think is none other than the day when she is dressed in white raiment, walking down the aisle for the one.

However, my biggest and biggest day is more than a wedding for me.=)
And somehow it tastes sweeter than honey and deeper like the long kept wine.=)


Right now, I am on euphoria. Simple, sweet and sound.

Thanks to all who have been reading and following my blogs.
Thanks Jeff for being my avid and supportive reader.
And hope you 'll be the best critic too.
Thanks to Keith for the people and moments and, decorating my life.
Thanks to Smiley for being there to listen. What  precious ears you gave. Much appreciated.

Sorry must I say if the contents have been rather cynical, pessimistic, singular and anything but brilliant.
May I knit lovely words, thoughts and sharings to enrich each other life.

Cheers,
Coral Gal

This is one of the 'euphoria' song:

Artist: The folk duo from Swell Season
Title: Fallen from the Sky
Year: 2007

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Rl6e2HhcgU